This is unusual for me. Sharing something so very personal here. A few days ago I was in Manchester to attend a friend’s fashion show. The last time I was here was 1995, as a student at the University of Manchester. It was a Tuesday in May of 1995 when I called home from the one phone we had in the hallway of Hulme Hall. On the call my mother told me my father was in the hospital. She said it was bad & I should come home immediately. I was in the middle of my final exams. There were plans to hitch hike to Glastonbury with Georgina selling beaded necklaces along the way. It was my hippie dream. The family booked me on the first flight to NY in the morning. I was in shock. Both with my dad being in the hospital again & me being uprooted from a wonderful year. I wasn’t going to be able to say a proper good bye. Fritz & Richard were with me. We went over to C block to let Katherine know. We didn’t have a key for the building so I think I just threw rocks at her window. We stayed up all night packing. Then Katherine, Fritz and Richard took me to the airport. I told them I was coming right back. Just had to go check on Dad. I would be back to finish exams and say a proper good bye. I didn’t know it at the time but my mother had gotten in touch with them and told them that my father had passed away. Upon landing I was met by mom and cousin Tany. I asked how he was doing and if we could go straight to the hospital to see him. My mom kept shaking her head no in the car. Crying & not being able to speak. I was confused. I think at some point I understood what she was saying & I started crying & screaming. Saying no over & over again. We went down to the morgue & they had him on a cart. I started crying & threw myself on him. They tried to pull me off & I kept holding onto him. The next thing I remember is sitting with chotay mama ji in the backyard. He was explaining why it was important for me to light the cremation fire. I told him I couldn’t do it. He was thoughtful & firm in his explanation. In the end I did light the fire. It was a switch. I understood. (Continued in comments below)