Little Leo your laugh is the most beautiful sound in the world. It actually makes me want to cry just thinking about it. Most people want to slow down time so they can cherish their babies as ‘babies’ forever but for us the story is different. As you near your 1st birthday I’m happy for time to press on... to hop, skip, even jump forward, to enjoy this new season and to celebrate a new chapter and to leave the past in the past. We have come so far in the past 3 weeks and I feel I can say (with genuine belief) that I am excited for what the future holds for us... together. The more joyful memories we create, the more momentum we build, propelling us towards the end goal which is a happy, simple life. More good times = less fear dangling like bait between my ears waiting for my brain to catch on and switch direction, jumping back on the train that’s driving in the wrong direction towards da da daaaa - doomsville. I know there are no quick fixes, but I now really buy into the fact that time is the biggest healer and will continue to heal and heal and heal, and the compound effect starts to kick in. 1+1=1000. I’m at the stage now where I can talk my head out of certain thoughts and feelings which feels pretty momentous. At 11 months PP i’m having so many good days. I still have my moments. I have a whole army of people helping. And tools; some simple, some complex and some quite frankly bizarre. I want you guys to feel hopeful that you will find ways to handle life better too. One of my simple coping methods for when I feel inexplicably low or frustrated is to think about my future (and happier) self shouting back to my current self saying come on, keep going, you can do it. I often imagine ME, as a more grown up version of myself standing on the side lines of one of Leo’s big sports matches cheering him on. I can picture my outfit and everything. I don’t know why I visualise this narrative but it helps 🙃. Maybe it’s because that’s what my parents used to do for me when I was at school. Sending all my fellow ptsd, pnd or any other mental health sufferers lots of love this weekend.