🎞📸 @frislysoberanis #120mm // I attended a funeral for my old self, if only to find my true self burning to be seen beneath her. At the cemetery I watched my old self glow and saw her spirit ascend in a trail of sparks. I saw her burn as she punctured the atmosphere & became a comet descending phoenixlike into the south coast of China. I wept for the thirty years of my life spent performing a gender & work ethic for a country & oftentimes family that doesnt know how to honor my deepest desires. I wept for the child I left behind. I want to normalize the feeling of being seen, unmasked; with all the colors of genders previously unimaginable. I want to lean into the corridors of my imagination & hold space for every secret. I want no child to grow up with the grief I felt, the fractures of immigration & every boundary violation, every relationship lost in translation, with every aunt, uncle and grandparents passing in an unvistable country into the afterlife. How these conditions forced me to “work hard,” be “strong”, perform “Asian woman,” “good immigrant” “good student” so well, to “earn” my right to be here if only at the expense of my true self. I am exhausted from the performing. Rejoice the time I became a “bad student” for not working and had that mental breakdown, couldn’t show up to class & then chose to take a year off my MFA program to take care of myself. Rejoice the times I helped replace corporate advertisements with the art & fearless imaginations of my friends. Rejoice the times I had to leave places, classes, family dinners, commercial projects, friend groups that trully did not see me. Now, I want only to tell the truth and live it, softly, with my heart unmasked, nothing less. Thank you to the folks who have seen me and held me during this time of deep transition. Thank you to the close friends that and hold me accountable to my blindspots, and make sure to let nothing derail me from my dreams for myself and for our future. 💫 @kodak #portra400 #analogpeople #mediumformat #filmisnotdead #filmportraits #jessxsnow