I came out at 21 to my parents. Friends in the other room for support, I tiptoed into my parents room as they were sitting in their king sized bed. “I’m in a relationship with a man,” I muttered softly. “I don’t understand,” said my dad, his eyes never leaving the newspaper he was reading. “I think you’ve got too many choices in America. Too much fun.” I ran back into the ran other room, sobbing, it was as if every fiber of my was worthless to them. For as long as I could remember i felt different, and I think growing up everyone could sense it too. Suggestions were never scarce on how I could “man up” more. Hiding my emotions made me feel safe but it also made me invisible in my own family. All my unmet needs for affection came out in flurries of anger towards my siblings and my pets. I just didn’t know how to process it all. It’s hard to explain, the complexities of all the different emotions that followed me after coming out. It’s almost as though I had cursed myself for speaking out, and the world will never treat me the same. And yet other ways, it’s like a curse was lifted. Speaking out what I thought was shame shone so much light and I got to move through the world more lightly. It hurt me deeply, to not have received the support that I anticipated initially. After ten years is only when I can slowly send both younger me and my parents love, to recognize that they have always did what they could with what they knew. And in some ways, that was revolutionary for their generation in itself. Just because their love was not packaged to certain standards didn’t mean they loved me any less. It’s a hard pill to swallow, to realize that maybe I too didn’t give them the grace and time to process it all. They deserved time to learn, too. Coming out has allowed me to find my community. People that see and appreciate me fully. My whole world changed after that, it’s like I spoke a new language. Finding joy in my community is always accompanied by sadness for those that do not get to experience it as I do. If you’re reading this and are at any stage in your queer journey, know that you’re not alone. You are so loved ❤️ late national coming out day