Imagine spending a year in and out of hospitals, staying up all night to make sure she didnt fall and hit her head while sleepwalking, pulling a cup full of floor cleaner out of her hands when she was about to drink it, and having her occasionally scream at me for hours for no reason. I begged and pleaded and bargained and would have done absolutely anything to get my wife back. But when she felt better, nothing actually got better. Im not exaggerating when i say she spent whole days in bed with her headphones on ignoring me. I asked her to please talk to me and she snapped at me with “about what?” Multiple times. There was no kind of relationship between us. She didnt even sit next to me or speak to me at my birthday brunch. We could have been living in separate houses and i dont think she would have noticed. She probably would have been happier. And I genuinely hope she is happier without me than she was at the end because it was heartbreaking to see this lively and loving person completely disappear. And it may be easy for others to say that she didnt change and maybe she didnt toward anyone else. But the person she was to me changed dramatically. And people saw it happen. People heard me trying to talk to her while she completely ignored me. I gave everything i had to fix things and the fact that she doesnt see that shows how much she wasnt paying attention to me. If she wants to believe that our relationship ended because of Chris. Fine. She can think that. But this is my space and she doesnt control what i think or say here. I had my heart broken and grieved the loss of a marriage that i was still in for over a year. I stayed faithful and stayed by her side the whole time she was sick. Right up to the end. Right up to her being too tired to talk to me but well enough to get liposuction. Should i have waited to be living separately before crossing that line with Chris? Yes. But our marriage was well over by then. She had told me she was leaving me twice already and after the third conversation i stopped fighting her on it. A few days after we agreed the marraige was over, i went to her and broke down and told her i hated this and she said “we’re already happier not being together.” And that right there, that confirmation that she had no intention of trying to work on things, that is when i texted Chris and said “well since my marriage is over, fuck it, lets give this a chance.” She went through my messages over a month after we agreed we were separating. And that is when she saw spicy messages between me and him. Was i wrong in not waiting longer? Yes. Was my marriage already over? Also yes. Do i regret how everything went down? Completely! I would give anything to go back in time and leave properly before moving on. But there are no words for how thoroughly lonely i was. And i told her how lonely i was and she continued to ignore me. So yes, i did turn to someone else because it was finally time to put my effort into keeping myself alive. I was wrong. 100%. But the context here is necessary and it continues to be ignored so that im the only person that did anything wrong. Imagine being trapped in a room with the person you love and feeling completely alone. And she doesnt even know all of this because she refused to talk to me. So yeah, im going to tell my side of the story. Because i deserve to be acknowledged.