Internalised ableism. It’s a funny thing. It’s something that creeps in and reeks havoc with the mind, unconsciously. It just appears anywhere, anytime. It’s the biggest test as it tells me the parts of me that are still fractured and malleable, with thoughts easily swayed by this seemingly all knowing voice. It always feels brand new when it arrives and so can be hard to know how to navigate. It sounds like a whisper and a booming voice all at the same time you. It feels heavy and trapping. It looks like your own personal storm as thoughts whirl around at a frightening speed beneath an angry sky. Growing up internalised ableism has more of an influence and dictatorship with its slogan “Be non-disabled as possible “ capturing undivided attention from its audience. Though its face was fully masked in the hustle and bustle and pressures of what it is to be a teen, so I thought this was the whole truth. There were times especially in my older teen years that I just wanted to be a teen and not teen with a disability. Back then I didn’t have the knowledge or language to say to myself that I was internalising societal views and expectations and that I didn’t need to listen and waste time wishing my disability away that now I proudly deem as a core part of me. These days when I find myself comparing or thinking wouldn’t it be easier if I didn’t have difficulty climbing stairs or if people could understand my speech all the time for example, I know this is not my true voice. If I wasn’t conditioned by society and it’s hard, fixed, narrowed view, perhaps I wouldn’t have times wishing my disabledness into non-existence. The lovely @cpandm_e , the other day, beautifully wrote about how lives, how they look and the speed at which they go at will all be different and that this is ok. How soothing is that?! There is soo much more I want to write but for now, this is a reminder to you and I that the next time internalised ableism has tried to burrow its way into your mind, try not to sucked into all it says. You are worth way more than this ❤️(red heart emoji)