Where am I at with my recovery?! MMmmmm. I’m at a weird stage now where I’m blocking everything out. Maybe I said that way back at the beginning? I can’t actually remember much because I’m still trying to protect myself from the pain. I don’t want to re-read. This condition feels very repetitive. Finally it DOES feel like everything happened a long time ago but it also feels like it happened to someone else and not me. I kind of feel like I’ve erased my entire past and started life as a totally new person. A sometimes sick person. People tell me how far I’ve come, but I can’t remember how far. I can remember a weird amount of things from my childhood... sensory things will remind me of the strangest memories from way back when I was 5-15, but then I’ve sort of erased everything between then and now. Now that I mention it, sometimes ALL I can feel is sensory stuff, like the feeling I get when I go from a hot room to a cold room and it helps me connect to the world around me. To put it bluntly I’m struggling to move on with ‘normal’ life. Every day I feel physically very unwell and every other day I seem to have an hour long period (sometimes longer) where I feel messed up in my brain - I don’t know what it is, but it feels like brain damage or a mini stroke. Maybe it’s a weird processing experience. It feels like I’m either really REALLY low in some specific chemical/hormone or way too high. But either way I can’t think properly or talk properly during those episodes. It sort of feels like I’m having a major allergic reaction to something in my brain. I go from feeling really low and agitated to then feeling a rush of something and then I get the worst cramping around my pelvis but then my brain levels out, a bit like the chemicals have been restored. I’ve been told that this isn’t a result of my mental health medication?!? Can anyone help with the physical side of things? I’ve tried eliminating certain things and tracking my lifestyle but I can’t figure out what it is. There doesn’t seem to be a pattern and it’s not to do with triggers. Weirdly I only seem to NOT get it when I don’t eat anything at all in a day (if I’m travelling I have to fast otherwise I ha