🌻 Looking good, feeling OK. First proper day date that Ryan and I have done just the two of us since Leo was born. Gosh we used to enjoy sauntering around doing not much. So nice to reconnect as a couple and to actually engage in some good old fashioned conversation about our future (been too scary to talk about it up until now)... all we’ve spoken about for months is our medical issues or panicking about our bleeding finances. Oh and keeping Leo alive, but we never talk about parenting, we just keep going, going, going in survival mode. We’ve paved over the cracks of some pretty major incidences, but I’m ready to park the past, forgive the quite frankly unacceptable behaviour from both our sides and move forwards. After all, a lot of this is not our fault. I look forward to doing joint therapy one day when we’re both strong enough. Good luck future therapists. Run a mile. For now I count myself EXTREMELY lucky to have a partner I feel safe with, especially when embarking on the rollercoaster ride of tapering medication which I’m worried is going to be cataclysmic. I don’t want to start banging on about my side effects to him minute by minute again as they consume me, BUT I can share here on insta because you my friends are separated by the safety of a phone screen and on/off/mute button. Chemicals feel a bit scrambled, feel like I’m on planet earth one second then drift over to mars. I feel cold rushes up my neck from my chest into my throat and then my temples and then something happens. This medication must be too strong for me. I have NEVER felt anything that resembles stability. I also believe that these serotonin meds have had a huge impact on my gastro intestinal bleeding 🩸 so I want to clean up as much as poss. I have to say I’m feeling v frustrated at the lack of connected dots from a professional medical standpoint. I have abstained from doing too much research because I don’t want to become obsessive/delve back into a world of health anxiety but now I’m 🤞🏼 embarking on a new chapter in my recovery I think I can allow myself a bit of control. I want to start making more informed decisions. If anyone has any positive tips re:withdrawals pray te🫶🏼