I felt this one deserved a static post + to live on my feed forever. Fitness has been in waves throughout my life. I was a soccer player, did gymnastics, pole vault/track and have always worked out in some capacity... that made it pretty confusing when it came to my body, society standards that were pushed on me as a woman and my own ability to realize those standards are incredibly backwards. I didn’t want to put on too much muscle because I didn’t understand how it would benefit my body long term. I didn’t realize how undereating, alcohol and chronic stress would lead to eventually my body starting to turn on me and a really really hard few years of recovery. Movement and being in a gym is crucial for growth (for the mind too) but there is no way I would have been as successful with my training the last two years if I hadn’t worked through A LOT of my mind demons surrounding caloric intake, nutritional value of food, low self worth and alcohol. Food is FUEL for longevity for a healthy, happy physical body and mentally stable mind. Food isn’t the enemy, the marketing and FUCKED UP narrative women face daily surrounding food, the gym and body figure is the enemy. Our societies systems + narratives surrounding food are the enemy. I cringe and cry thinking about what information I absorbed growing up and how damaging it was for little me. In a world where we are consistently told how to look, feel and act I finally said enough. I realized until I worked through my own self worth and started mending that relationship with over exercising and under eating - recovery wouldn’t fully happen. I realized I was hurting myself and although society influence was incredibly loud + impactful... I was the cause of all of that hurt for listening to it. I also saw WHY I listened to it - I was desperate to fit these molds of what “beauty” was told to me growing up. I don’t believe that I will ever fully escape my mind demons but I now have the tools to navigate them and silence them. The habits to make me feel my best and keep me healthy.