My feeling of invisibility is historical, systemic, and very personal. I think I likely began to cater towards diminishing myself further to fit into this narrative of invisibility that I thought was going to be a forever experience (and in some ways it might). Ps. Y’all can repost if it resonates ✨ I wrote this right after deeply crying (post healing interaction though) about how much of a hard time I have believing that if someone is actively angry with me, annoyed with me, disappointed in me, or hurt by me, that they can also -very actively- still love me, feel for me, care for me, and wish nothing but love to me – while also wanting and needing me to hold Nuance. This mindset stems from a lot of things; but mostly stems from being a child who was constantly gaslit and told (or showed) out of manipulation that someone’s core feelings about me changed depending on how they felt in that moment. I didn’t feel I had a safe space to remind me of my humanness or to fall into. And so I learned to take the hits and bury them. My childhood narratives were so infiltrated with the negative. I knew I was good despite what I was being told. I knew I had faults, but I knew I was good. I am good. I am also learning. I (we, fvcking we) need to be so much more gentle. So much more gentle. With our past, current, and near future selves. We criticize ourselves so hard for not knowing something we couldn’t have possibly known, or something that we were punished for, or something that we were shamed for, or something that we became traumatized by, and are left to believe we are the ones to blame. So I release and open myself to y’all... Hug big and little you today. I love youssss TLDR (lol): I discovered early that I would need to shift my expression of self depending on The Who, What, When, and the Where. This created versions of myself that lived in different realities that were not integrated and chipped away at me...whatever “me” was. I am beginning to learn who I am - really- through the safety and love of those who have excitedly and graciously given me the space and patience to fly and land softly. ♥️ *ALL BG IMAGES ARE MY OWN IMAGES. First image taken by @sirjulienjames