Life really only has a few simple rules... Sure there's standards and what not but only a few actual rules you should live by. Above all else, I urge you to make this one a priority; When it comes to anything, if it doesn't create an avalanche within your chest, if it doesn't move you, doesn't inspire you, if you don't feel it coming from the deepest part of who you are... it is not for you. Stop trying to force things that don't belong. Work, relationships, hobbies whatever it may be, your time is needed elsewhere. If it doesn't scream passion, move along.