I don’t even recognize this person, but today I remembered how much this moment was one of the happiest and saddest chapters of my life. I was terrified to say that I was gay on national television so I had a girl hanging with my mom when I came out lol. Meanwhile, my boyfriend waited at home because I didn’t want my sexual orientation to ruin my hopes and dreams of becoming a superstar. My bf gave me a necklace and asked me to wear it at the audition so I did and every time I watch this clip all I can see is that necklace and what chasing this dream costs. It was on this show that I realized I wasn’t just a contestant and it didn’t really matter how well I sang. First and foremost I was a character, and my “story” was more important than my gift. This show defines a lot of artists and having the American Idol attached to your name could either be a blessing or the kiss of death in the industry it felt like. I was cancelled back then for supposedly stealing money from children for a show that I didn’t produce. The producer, who I still love dearly, went and did interviews to try to exonerate me and explain it wasn’t intentional and it was never my responsibility but they didn’t air it and instead kept fueling that narrative. Every week while I was on this show I was also starring in another show I like to call “Anxiety, the musical!” But this was before I even knew what anxiety was lol. I was “cancelled” then and thought I’d never shake that narrative. The reason this memory is bittersweet is because there were great things that came from this. Life changing things: 1. I vowed to never hide who I was again; I became publicly and unapologetically part of the lgbtqia+ community and have inspired, changed and saved so many queer lives. 2. I became relentless about working hard enough to make a name for myself so that I wouldn’t have to be known as “American Idol’s Todrick Hall!” I am happy to report that I was successful in that and literally hardly anyone remembers I was ever on that show. 3. When I see hateful comments that crush my soul I think about the boy in this video who thought he’d never win again. Spoiler Alert! He did and he will!