Almost every single time I had s*x, no matter who with, I’d sit on the loo to tinkle afterward and feel some measurement of dissatisfaction in my chest. Sometimes it was a grand sinking feeling and sometimes it was minor tug, but it was always there. Through all my relationships, one-night stands, casual hook-ups, friends w/ benefits, it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter how awesome the s*x was, or how much I connected with a person. The feeling persisted. It wasn’t until December of 2021, that I was sitting down for my usual post-s*x bathroom break and I was smacked with a realization. I realized that never. Not one single time we’d had sex did I sit down afterward and feel that feeling. That heart tension. That sinking. That pulling. I remember just sitting there going through times we’d had seggs. “Did you feel that feeling that time?”No. “What about that time?” No. We all have great teachers in our lives that come forward in different ways. One of my greatest has been always been, without fail, secks. I realized that day on the 🚽 that the dissatisfaction I felt for all of my adult life came from a dishonesty deep within myself. It came from walls I had up around my heart so lovers couldn’t truly penetrate me. It came from ego, performance, mental gymnastics. It came from desires I didn’t know how to voice and expectations I found comfort in. For me and so many others I have the honor of teaching, that the way we f*ck is a reflection of how we live. When we open our hearts to ourselves, When we feel our most painful pain, When we honor our honesty, When we get curious about HOW GOOD CAN LIFE BE.. Pleasure flows. We see s*x in the flowers. We taste s*x in our breakfast. We hear s*x in the sound of our partner’s voice. We smell s*x in the spring air. I share this to reiterate that when we work on learning our heart’s language, anything we’ve genuinely wanted from deep in our bones can happen. I wasn’t keenly aware that I wanted deeply nourishing, romantic, hysterical love.... and that the pursuit of anything else left me (at least) mildly dissatisfied. As it turns out, dissatisfaction in s*x, was just a mirror for dishonesty with my own heart.