Grieving someone you loved who was also your abuser is such a rollercoster. Some days i want to yell at him, some I want to hug him, and some days all i want to do is forget. Forget him, forget the pain, the love, the suffering, the trauma, the laughs, the memories, the good times, our relationship as a whole. I just cant handle remebering sometimes, even the good parts. I miss him every single day and i would do anything to see him one more time even for just 5 mins, but part of me is so angry and holds so much resentment and with that comes guilt. If you’re grieving someone the same way i am, plz know youre not alone. Youre allowed to be angry, youre allowed to be sad. Youre allowed to have mixed emotions about it bc of how mixed the relationship was. Dont ever feel guilty or bad for grieving someone in the way you need to.