Last year, I shared a still from this video and how empty and vacant I felt staring at my infant. It was two days before I met the psychiatrist who turned things around for my PPD and insomnia and saved me. My husband took this video that day, and I’m not quite sure why. I had pretty much stopped taking any pictures or videos at that point because nothing felt joyous. I only felt ugly, defeated, and empty. Maybe he wanted me to have some memories to look back on, to show me I was trying my best to mother. That’s what he saw, at least. I have mixed feelings when I watch this now, knowing how I truly felt inside and how I couldn’t really smile for the camera. At the same time, it’s one of the very few videos I have of me holding my tiny baby, so I’m grateful for something. Postpartum depression steals away a lot of things. Time, mostly, if I stop to think about it. And faith. It makes you stop hoping and stop believing in the best. No wonder it can be so difficult to get help when you lose hope. But I want to tell the mamas who feel like they can’t feel anymore, it’s absolutely not your fault. This is a disease. And it CAN be beat. There is help out there and there is someone who believes your pain because you are not the only one who has gone through this. And you will not be the last one to survive this. Slow down. You’re doing fine. And you’ll be more fine, in time. ❤️ Please check out PSI (@postpartumsupportinternational) for free support groups, chats with an expert, maternal mental health providers, peer mentors, and so much more. Their motto is: You are not alone. You are not to blame. With help, you will be well. ✨ #maternalmentalhealthweek #makingovermotherhood #jaggedlittlepill #maternalmentalhealth #mmhw2022 #mentalhealthawarenessmonth #postpartumsupportinternational #ppdsurvivor #postpartumanxiety #postpartuminsomnia #postpartumsupport #teammotherly #psychedmommy #sharetheeverymom #bumpdated #mommychick #happyasamother #motherhoodintheraw #modernmomprobs #motherhoodunplugged #wtebabies #babycenterbabies #betterpostpartum #maternalmhmatters #workingmomkind #postnataldepression #postnataldepressionawareness