four years of missing you today🌻🌈🩷even after this many years, it’s hard for me to anticipate how I’m going to feel on this day, besides the requisite aching. this time around I’ve surprised myself by feeling grateful for our miraculous capacity as human beings to remember things with such visceral clarity. like the other day, I remembered practically word for word a completely unremarkable argument we had about peaches one afternoon. and the remembering with my body, too, the way you would nuzzle into a hug, finding the perfect angle to bury your face into my neck. I can twirl your unwashed hair around my fingers and feel your bony shoulders under a too-big sweatshirt. I remember you out of nowhere, almost intrusively, in the uncanny way maya’s face will split into a grin and she will become you for one brief second, or when an old friend of yours tells me at a party that being with me feels like being with you. I could go on and on and on, and I hope I always will.