August 14, 2022 ______ year 6 When I think about the fact that six years ago today I almost lost my life, time slows and speeds up really fast at the same time. Parts of today feel like they happened a few moments ago, other parts - as far as the East is from the West. I guess trauma and healing are kinda like that. Six years ago today no one knew if I’d see the next hour. Mom drove from SF to LA after receiving a call from a hospital Chaplain telling her that I’d probably not make it through the night and she’d better hurry. I didn’t know it, but everything I’d known of my life and myself up until that point would forever change for me then. Sometimes I wonder if the tight feeling I get on the right side of my face when I try to raise both eyebrows, or the noise of a door slamming or glass breaking, or the residual pains I still experience won’t automatically take me back to my hospital bed mentally, or if I’ll ever feel as pretty as I used to with all my hair pulled back, or if the sound of a car speeding on a highway from someone out on a joy ride won’t phase me, but I don’t think it ever will. And with every year that passes I bizarrely find myself more thankful for that than the last. Odd maybe, but I consider the ever constant reminder (“fake” ear and all) a blessing: that in the midst of my grief, total heartache, two head surgeries, oceans of tears, all the questions, the insurmountable weight of depression, and zero self worth I had, my life was kept and found. It’s my permanent reminder of what a gift life is (*cue post workout daily gratitude stories*) I never thought something this traumatic could ever really happen to me, or that from it I would begin to understand how loved by God I am. I always say it but I truly don’t wish my accident on a soul — it’s a never ending wound always healing — but I’ve never been more grateful for how it continues to shape me. Life can be incredibly hard and heavy for so many reasons but today and always I’m grateful to celebrate the goodness and faithfulness of God in mine; for loving me the way no one else can, and for giving me a reason to live on purpose, for a purpose. Happy 6, Ang 🥲 #814week #22 #year6