2019: I’ve always wanted my work to make people feel - either in their heart, mind or body. I knew people would either love it or hate it with little room for indifference. I make moods. 2019 was all about this. I worked more on graphics and iconography. I focused on images you couldn’t unsee. There was a lot of emphasis on brashness: emotional, visceral, absurd, punchy, human, taboo, and more. I was mixing beautiful with gross in a new world I was co-creating with others. It felt new. It all introduced me to online hate, harassment, and anger. It was uncomfortable. Before, I was a niche artist with a generous following of people who understood the work was an absurd reflection of the world through my eyes. Suddenly it was anger from people I’ve never met with narratives that didn’t make any sense. People from all affiliations demanded I change. Everything was becoming political. “You should do this! Don’t do that! I don’t like your models! I don’t like your work! I don’t like you! You’re hurting nature! You’re disgusting! Misogynist! Male gaze! Homophobic! Evil!” They were looking for a scapegoat, a god, a purpose, or feelings of control. They said they wanted me to change but they didn’t need me to fulfill their wishes, they really needed a mirror and some incense. The criticism hurt. I’d worry my work could hurt others. I struggled with self-censorship but I remained true to myself and the art as best I could. I’m now able to see these were wounded people projecting their ignorance. Many were too lazy to learn and apply a skill themselves - they had this deranged narcissistic view that each artist must follow their ideology. But it was hard to deal with the stream of negativity. In the end I kept going. It was a solid year for progress. My first full year in LA was coming together beautifully. I met some amazing people and worked on larger series and concepts and set a goal to do my first ever show in 2020. I was positive 2020 would be a generous year if I doubled down in 2019! So I made more work with that intention.