dom and i are having a baby this fall, inshallah. i did not think i wanted or could even have kids for a long time. i am so pleasantly surprised by how much i love this little being already. to enjoy my pregnancy as a disabled person despite a web of complications. wild to be nervous about dying because of pregnancy. about how little we know about non-white bodies. the many scaries that can ensue. couldn’t imagine being forced to have this baby. grief-stricken over every person made to carry a child in this country. with the highest maternal mortality rate of any “developed nation”. and then there is the complete mindfuck of knowing that my child doesn’t even have a nervous system yet and i am *already* dreading sending them to school. taking them on the subway. being anywhere around muslims in prayer. black people in celebration. bringing anyone into this country, to have to survive this death cult. thank you to the dozens of parents that have helped me navigate these ~ emotions ~ over the last few months. for breaking the fourth wall about how hard it is to have to temper love that is so big it feels impossible to hold.. let alone lose. i love you. i hope you are finding rest from this shit. [id: three selfies of me holding my pregnant belly in front of my bedroom mirror. i look hot!]