I HAVE WORKED OUT 2 DAYS IN A ROW! I know, I know I can feel the eye rolls. No need to send congratulatory text, but this *sOmEthIng* for me. I have a pretty toxic relationship with working out. I make a point to move my body day by going on walks, playing silly games with Z. However, traditional workouts and me have a long history of issues. In middle school I would come home from an hour and a half of softball then two hours of dance only to do more sit-ups/crunches in hopes of making my stomach flatter. Because back then “in-shape” meant skinny. Some how I could run a 7.5 minute mile but still convince myself I wasn’t “Fit.” I could also tell you stupid facts like an Oreo was 70cal and it would take 3 laps around a track to burn one off. This continued for years. After J and I got married, I suffered a miscarriage just 2 months after our wedding. I didn’t tell a soul. Not even J for a really long time. I was embarrassed. My body had failed me. I had already put on some extra weight from health issues and so I of course blamed myself for the loss. I would go to our apartment gym for 2 hours, on the outside it looked like I was trying to “get back in shape.” But really my mindset came from a place of punishing my body for its failures. Working out was a form disciplinary action against myself. I “deserved” to be in pain because I thought it was my fault for losing the baby. I needed to lose the weight to “prove” to other people I was “okay” after a hard season. I didn’t lose the weight, in fact it pushed me deeper into a dark pit and I gained 25lbs. I mean “what’s the point of working out if you can’t still run a 8 minute mile and aren’t dropping 5lbs a week?” It’s screwed up, and at almost 30 years old I’m just now trying to work through the damage of it. I know I dont have to look a certain way (I have made it past that), but my body still tenses up at the thought of working out, subconsciously fearful of the “punishment.” But I’ve i got to unlearn and require my mentality, i have to figure out what works FOR ME, and I will. One tiny victory at a time.