Although some days I’m certain I have feral children, the opportunity I have to nurture and care for my babies is not lost on me. When I take the time to be still, I’m overwhelmed with a reverence for this divine role: I had yearnings to be a mom since the time I was young. I anxiously anticipated my youngest brother being born so we could have a baby in the house. I enjoyed babysitting, nannying, and being an aunt before my own came. I had interest in becoming an adoption counselor and have always viewed pregnancy and motherhood as beautiful. I majored in Home and Family Living. I took sewing and cooking classes and dreamed of having as many babies as I had fingers. With all of my good intentions, natural desires, and education to mother I fall short constantly. I’m not the mother I’d envisioned I’d be and most days don’t feel I have the energy to be her. I lack the motivation, attentiveness, physical energy, and patience as my own selfish desires and shortcomings get in the way. And with that daily battle of trying and failing and trying and sometimes giving up, I see purpose. I’m not here to be a perfect mother. I’m not meant to effortlessly care for perfectly groomed, well-behaved children with Pinterest perfect meals and an immaculate home. (Yeah, I kinda still want those things though.) If my life wasn’t so often a beautiful mess, I bargain I’d see less progress and growth in both them and myself. When the house is a disaster so I put a Podcast on to clean and ignore them, or when they are eating Honey Nut Cheerios for the 90th morning in a row, or when they are screaming at each other and I walk away in silent frustration, or when I resent sweeping for the 5th time that day, in these and a million other less-than-perfect scenarios I have the opportunity to learn. Learn to take deep breaths. Learn that their behavior is a reflection of their emotion and my behavior is a reflection of mine. Learn that I can resolve to have more patience next time. Learn that frustration, resentment, anxiety, anger, sadness, and guilt are emotions that are okay for all of us to feel. (continued in comments 👇🏼)