A gnarly 6 weeks of travel it has been. Finally coming up for air only to find myself stranded in the middle of the ocean. Ive never been this far from baseline before. To be honest its been really scary. Cant really ride or work out cause my heart rate is out of control. Now that im home ive been in and out of doctors offices for the last 48 hours with more tests to come. Hoping to get some answers from the cardiologist tomorrow. I have not had caffeine or alcohol for 2 weeks now cause they are both destroying me. I also started taking an SSRI. The positive side is that it has taken me hitting the bottom pretty hard to finally get on some anti anxiety medication. I never really felt like I had anxiety. I guess I always just thought of the perfectionism issue as more of a quirk than a form of debilitating misery. Ive been so overwhelmed even the simplest tasks have been difficult. Ive got just enough energy to pet the dogs, take care of the plants and now start trying to pull myself back together. I share all of this hoping it gives others the comfort and safety to say how they feel, to help normalize talking about our emotions... especially the dudes. Thanks for allowing me space to yell into the void 🖤