Behold: my voicemail greeting (and also the very first list poem I ever wrote!) [jan 2022] Image Description: white background with black text that reads, “Sorry I Can’t Come To The Phone Right Now” I am dreaming of a labor-less life. I’m taste-testing a variety of potato chips / perfecting my smiley face nail art / pondering getting into Voice Over work/ judging people who say ‘sneaky’ suspicion when they mean ‘sneaking’ suspicion. I’m busy watching the random recap video my phone just made and crying / lint-rolling dog hair off of the curtains / thinking only in puns / throwing my scale in the dumpster / wondering if I should have recycled it. I am a bit preoccupied at the moment with getting my feelings hurt / belaboring over stamps for the wedding invitations / taking selfies of my side profile / googling how to spell Hors d'oeuvres / worrying that my mom is lonely. I’m simply up to my elbows in forgetting to take my vitamins / holding your hand / making the bed / telling someone that I don’t self-identify as a Taurus except for how much I enjoy food. I am right in the middle of having an ill-advised fourth cup of coffee / hoping for the best / taking the long way home / letting myself go / tipping 35% / saying, “That’s on my list!” about a show I will never watch/ I am staring at the phone wishing I had more people’s phone numbers memorized / especially yours / reading the transcript of your voicemail / and texting you back instead.