Hi friends, I want to tell you about something.❤️ All my life I’ve felt unsafe in my own body. Complex ptsd means, among many things, that my body never fully relaxes. I’m always in a hypervigilant state. But when Julien & I are together, I feel safe. My body is quiet. My body trusts him completely. Before we met in person, we FaceTimed every day for five months. When we finally met, it was the most amazing thing I'd ever felt. Then we spent 6 more weeks apart. When I saw them again, I lost control of my body, just fell into them & we both started crying & we knew we could not go that long again. Julien holds my hand & asks how I’m feeling & if I want an egg sandwich. He tells me how he feels. He reassures me before I even know I need it. He always helps me, gives me little presents, encourages me, checks on me, cherishes me. We talk through conflict with kindness & honesty. Julien holds me with more tenderness than I ever thought possible. I'm never scared with them. I'm always loved. Their love has changed my entire life. The way I walk & carry myself & feel in my body is different when we're together Because I feel truly, completely safe for the first time in my life. Healing in a safe, intimate, loving relationship? Healing through consistency, closeness, connection, communication, co-regulation? I’ve never felt like this. Since being away from Julien again, I’m struggling. It’s painful. I am doing my best. I’ve never missed someone like this. I used to prefer being on my own. But I've met the love of my life, my soulmate. Julien is the only one for me.❤️ Everything is different. In mid December, Julien will get on a plane to Kansas City with his cat Chef & we will start our life together here. It’s the biggest honor of my life.❤️