One year ago today Abri was celebrating being a “survivor”. Now Abri is dealing with the after effects of the 17 rounds of toxic chemo that got her to being a survivor. This is what our childhood cancer survivors get as their reward for winning the fight. No kid leaves the battlefield unscathed. As a parent you know at some point your survivor will face a major health issue as a result of the treatment they received. You just don’t know when or what until it hits. I prayed constantly that Abri would be an exception. The chemos Abri received were developed in the 50’s -80’s. She recieved Ifosfomide, Etoposide, Cyclophosphamide, Vincristine (attacks the nervous system), and Doxirubicon (her heart damage). Abri always said “I can’t believe we can develop a new iPhone every single year but we can’t develop anything better for kids in 50 years!” Abri was slowly improving with rebuilding her stomach and nervous system but we ended up back in the hospital for the last 2 1/2 weeks due to her going septic again. We removed the picc line and put in a new nj. 9 days into feeds she threw up her nj tube and we decided to try an ng. This is the first time she has had anything going into her stomach since March and it has been brutal. Her pain is again past the point that she can handle so she is asleep most of the time and when she is awake she is crying, screaming and holding that same spot in her stomach until she passes back out. When she is asleep she shakes and tears fall from time to time. She has horrible trouble trying to go the bathroom still and her stomach is so painfully bloated. We don’t have any other good options so have decided to just push through in the hopes that it will get better over time. 🙏🏻 Going septic twice is terrifying and I can’t bear the thought of her back on a picc line. She has been accepted to an inpatient pain clinic here and will be transferred there in the next couple of days. Because there is nothing physical that we can “fix” she has to learn how to deal with this chronic pain. It’s just plain cruel that this is the best we have to offer these kids. This is surviving. I want my girl back! I miss her more than I can put into words. 😞