I have never shared this or felt the need to share this because there was always a sort of shame surrounding it. In some ways I did care about others opinions, and how my potential partners would see me, but I feel like this was important for what is happening right now. I got a chest reduction surgery early 2020. Growing up, i’ve always had more fat in my chest, and even after the most rigorous workouts, diets and no matter how lean I was I could never get rid of it. My chest was never the “ideal” masculine squared off chest. It was rounded at the edges, and always soft. It made me extremely self conscious and would never want to be seen without my shirt off. I’ve always felt the need to perform masculinity in relationships, so this was one of the ways I could do it, since so many aspects of myself were more “effeminate”. Some of you may say that it’s not noticeable, but it was to me! So please spare those comments. I still have some linear scars under the incision from it. At the time, I didn’t understand that it was possible for me to deviate from the gender that people expected of me. During the pandemic living alone, I questioned so much of why I felt the need to perform, to whom? But now I know that that was really gender affirming care/surgery. After the procedure, I felt more in my body, more confident, and more “correct” if that makes sense. Some could say that this procedure was purely for aesthetics, and that can both be true! But it helped me tremendously and I’m thankful to be able to afford/access it. Cis, straight folx undergo gender affirming care and perform gender all the time, from laser hair removals, to wearing makeup, shaving your beard, plastic surgery, to dressing up in suits and ties, they make us feel more like us, regardless of how you identify. Isn’t it so great to have the choice? And for all our cis folx out there, this is what is being taken away from trans people (Among so many others). The chance to feel safe, confident, in your own body. This is incredibly difficult for me to share still but I hope it helps or informs someone out there today. Be kind, I’m sending much love to you today 🫶🏻 -Ivan