14 years ago, in 2008, I was in India, in the beautiful Himalayas, for my very first Vipassana and then a 3 months Butoh training (the photos are from my performance there) I remember, as I was sitting there, on the grounds of Butoh school, surrounded by the incredible scenery of the mountains and nature and vibrant people, I noted that my mind can understand that it is beautiful, stunning even, but I could not feel it. It was as if this beauty was OUT THERE. While I was here. It felt as if I was seeing it through the veils, or through a dirty screen. It was almost like a 2D flat picture. I could not FEEL the beauty. Here I was in an incredibly beautiful place, and yet I felt separate from it. That made me really sad. How disconnected I was. I also realised that this is the way the majority of this world lives. Disconnected, separate, non sensual, non feeling. And kind of became determined that I want to live a different way. How differently I experience life now. What a journey it has been, a journey of 14 years (and it still continues). I feel everything so viscerally, with the totality of my being. I feel beauty, I intimately experience it. Life feels very different now. I would like to say that it is one tea ceremony or maybe many that brought me here today. But I cannot say that. Because it was countless meditations, retreats, tea, hours of sitting and feeling the pain and facing the shadow, moment to moment returning my attention to the natural state - in the shower, while eating, cycling, walking. Moment to moment remembering to be in presence. It has been 14 years of gradual deepening, of gradual unfolding. Slow process. It cannot be any other way, although teachers say that if you meditated and were on the spiritual path in your previous lives, then this process can be faster. But it doesn't mean that the work was NOT done. It was - just in the past lives. And anyone who offers you fast results - well.... I wouldn't trust that. It's continuous dedication to be with what is continuously arising. For days, for months, for years, for decades. Devotion to that process. The changes will happen in their own timing. And life will feel more intimate.