2022 has been some of the best times of my life, and some of the worst. I love the man that I’m becoming but I’m SO far away from where I need to be..although I do see that man when I look in the mirror and he’s starting to guide me. I’ve been having what almost feels like an outer body experience when I know I am saying/doing something wrong, my future self is calling my present self out letting me know this is not the man I want to be. Not the type of man my kids can look up to. That’s my North Star.. If I die tomorrow, how will each person I encounter remember me? Would I want my kids to be this type of man? All my actions need to reflect this, otherwise I’m a hypocrite and not being congruent with what I say..to me that is the worst version of myself. You cannot say you’re self aware if you’ve never gone to therapy. My perspective has transformed to be able to see both sides of any situation. Even if I feel I’m right, I understand it does not make that person wrong. There are always two truths. I don’t understand what love is because I never felt loved. I don’t understand how to manage my emotions because I was raised in a verbally & physically abusive home. I thought this was normal until I started talking about it to realize it’s not. I don’t even know how to communicate because I never had anyone to talk to. My actions and behaviors have protected me from getting close to people which was my defense mechanisms as a young child trying to keep himself safe but this no longer serves me if I want to get to the next level of my life. I almost feel like I am relearning how to be a human. My 4 personal goals this year are: Learn what love is and how to give & receive love. Learn how to be patient & understanding. Learn how to connect with people beyond a surface level and build relationships. Learn how to manage my emotions & communicate effectively. My self work has made me realize I am the problem in my personal life, nobody else but me. I’ve never addressed the root cause of my pain and I refuse to go another year without facing my demons and overcoming them.