i wrote a whole big thing about everything that happened in 2017 and the passing of time and how much and how little things can change but i don’t want my tendencies of overwriting and weird phrasing to distract from my message this year. also, i’m done focusing on the past. yes it shaped me and i wouldn’t be here if my life hadn’t happened exactly as it did, but it’s time to look forward. i’ve spent a lot of time making this claim, that it was time for a change, but never putting my money where my mouth is. i have a lot of hopes for the coming year and for the rest of my life finally - in school, my career, my relationships, and in regards to my general life philosophy - but i’m starting small by persisting in keeping this new mindset. this post is firstly an apology to myself and the world for all of the time i wasted hating, sulking, half assing, and all together taking for granted being able minded and bodied. i am lucky enough to have a life to live so that’s what i’ll do, i shouldn’t be fighting with myself every step of the way. this is secondly my new year’s resolution: to love myself, to do things i love, and to spend time with people i love who love me back. that may sound like a tall or small order to different people, but basically this is my time to cast out the negativity and to focus on love. i’ve realized i don’t need to waste my time on hatefulness or subject myself to situations in which i’m going to end up unhappy. i have one life to live and i want to fill it with love, being on the giving and receiving end. well, there i go overwriting again but hopefully the take away is there. 2018 will be the year i am accountable for my own life and force myself to live a life i enjoy and am proud of. i will not be falling back into the safety net of apologies and false promises next year, i’ve apologized to myself and now it’s time to change. lastly, i wanted to say that i love you all. i don’t even get how this happened but thank you for everyone who seems to give a shit about me now. i know now that i have the privilege of having a platform and being able to use it and send a positive message to the world and to help people, i won’t let you down.