“I’m lying there. Naked. Vulnerable. Heavier than I use to be. My mind racing with endless thoughts. “My stomach looks so big from this angle”. “I hope my cellulite does not turn him off”. “I should have turned the lights off”. “How do I make myself look more attractive?”. “I hope he doesn’t think my razor bumps are disgusting”. The way I felt about my body stopped me from enjoying s*xual experiences. Instead of simply enjoying the experience, my thoughts would pull me out of the heat of the moment so much that I wanted to put my clothes back on and turn off the lights. I struggled to enjoy intimacy, even intimacy with myself. I didn’t think I was worthy of being touched. I would immediately ‘suck in’ as soon as my partner's hand touched my stomach. I would walk out of the bedroom backwards to be sure he didn’t see my cellulite. I would demand to turn of the bedroom light when intimate, so he wouldn’t see every lump and bump. I didn’t think I was worthy of being held. Touched. Aroused. I even felt as if my weight gain made me unlovable. My friends have experienced similar thoughts. They have declared that they were only going to be intimate with another once they lost weight. They feared judgment and criticism. I did too. You may have felt this way before or are currently, and I know how impossibly hard it can be to enjoy s*xual experiences when you are fixated on how your body looks. Truthfully, I sometimes still find myself thinking these thoughts, so here are a few things I remind myself of, - S*xual experiences are about how it feels and not about how your body looks. So try focusing on how your body feels, not how it looks aesthetically during intimate moments. - Everybody is worthy of s*xual experiences. No matter your size! You don’t have to have a particular body to enjoy intimacy! - You deserve to feel good about yourself in the bedroom. You need to understand that looking like you is incredibly beautiful. - Spend time being naked! Self-pleasure. Get to know your body. - Anyone would be so lucky to get close to your incredible body! Don’t let your insecurities stop you from enjoying s*xual experiences. You deserve pleasure. We all do!"