1. Rare truly candid photograph of myself taken by @1942morningstar. It’s wild that my 13-year-long nicotine addiction is finally under control and I don’t have a vape permanently attached to my hand anymore. Promise if I can do it you can too. 2. This is the first time in my whole life that I’ve ever lived alone which is incredible and embarrassing. It’s frustrating not being able to explain stuff to my cat, who is really depressed and upset with me right now, why we’re moving for the third time this year; why this new space doesn’t smell like her; why she won’t see that person anymore etc. 3. We go on a very long walk. It’s overcast and the morning glories are overtaking yards and I find myself almost wanting to cry over how unapologetically bright and vivid the blooms are and how precious it is that the tendrils grow and spiral around austere agave plants and metal fences like a little hug. 4. They had sex for two full days. One website said the male uses his claws from behind to “cuddle, caress and soothe” the larger female; another says such embrace actually causes her pain and is just a tactic to keep her from escaping. 5. This position also lessens the possibility of his head getting eaten off by her (although decapitated mantises can still procreate). Two sides to every story, I guess. Not totally sure why I feel so irrationally mad about it. 6. This picking up of one’s self over and over and over, the “having your own back” as your only insurance policy...it’s all fine and good but also I’m tired. It’s okay to simply long to be held, seen, and loved for absolutely no reason besides existing and being exactly who you are; that desire is ancient, and denying it or minimizing its importance (I believe) can lead to a lot of pent up anger and shame and confusion, sadly often hurting those relationships you want and need the most!! it’s all change // it’s all perfect