Old polaroids from 9years ago - and this week. I am happy in both, cause I’m completely on my path, and exactly where I need/ed to be. I quit smoking 🚬 6 months ago, smoked a pack a day for like 7years (like most girls who work as models). After quitting I had a bunch of stomach issues, and until now light nose bleeds. I also gained some weight, which at times made me rethink if I should start smoking again, but I told myself your body like your mind is nothing stagnant, and always changing. Rightfully & naturally so. In my head for a long time it was: skinny paid my rent, skinny made me travel around the world, skinny booked me jobs that I wanted to do. I left Germany after school, 10years ago because the agencies in the country I grew up in wanted super light skin, blonde hair, blue eyes, skinny, and super tall. Nothing of that was me, I was informed the best jobs I could do with ‚my type’ in Germany was lingerie, pyjamas, and sportswear if I am lucky. So I left Europe. 3rd slide - my very first modelling trip abroad.Diet: a piece of dry bread, a cucumber+1-2baby bell a day. I ran everyday & this was my lowest weight ever: 103lbs / 47kg at 5’7.5 / 171cm. During those 2months I dreamed of donuts, cookies, and opening a bakery every night even though I don’t, and until now never liked sweets. My body was starving. My agency back then asked me to work out more. I threw up while running one day. I was weak&it was impossible. I was done after those hungry 2months, and left that country, and never came back for work. I gained 3kg back, and that was my normal weight for years. During those years, every few months, a week or two I would only eat soups to lose weight quick. And it worked. I never had any eating disorders like a lot of young girls, but what bothered me, was something I figured A LOT of girls, and women disregarding of age, or job share: it was the creeping feeling in the background, and an indirect, constant fight, and judgment with eating, and food, because of body image. That feeling, like a silent 3rd person never invited, but always comes with you to the breakfast, lunch, and dinner table - PART II in the comments...