EMBRYO LOSS AWARENESS. . I've been watching as some of my incredible friends have been open & vulnerable this past week to raise awareness for Baby Loss Awareness week. . The stories I read and the voices are hear have moved me to tears. . Today, on a day that a wave of light will be generated I wanted to share my story of embryo loss and its implications. . Mr D and I had 11 frozen embryos that waited patiently for us to one day make them parents. When we matched with our first surrogate @ina___pina and tried to conceive we brought our maybe babies out of the freezer and literally watched them grow. . The strongest (Amaala) was transferred to Ina and 4/5 remaining embies were due to be refrozen. . After a period of silence from our clinic I called them (4days post transfer by the time i got through) to confirm how many embryos made the refreeze. . A voice on the phone spoke the following words. 'I think you may be confused Mrs Dhiman, we didn't keep any of your genetic material, everything has been discarded.' . I was on my landing at home when these words brought my world crashing down. I fell to me knees and sobbed. . We had no idea whether we were pregnant or not, and in my head I had already envisioned 2 succesful pregnancies from my tiny little embies that were home to all my hope. . The image above are the embryos that eventually made me a Mum to my sons. I know that I had to experience the loss of my own genetics and embryos to bring me to them BUT that doesn't make the loss any less painful. It doesnt mean that I don't still have days where I wonder who those embryos may have grown into. It doesn't mean that I don't question whether I might have one day had a child who shared my eye shape or any other physical feature. Despite having found my boys, I still experienced loss, I still experienced grief and I still wonder what could have been. . I was never able to harvest eggs again, never able to hold on to that hope. Instead, I had to find acceptance, acceptance in our loss. . It broke me to a point where I wondered if I could ever come back. But somehow I did. . Grateful for all that we have, still saddened for all that we lost. . K💔