It’s been a while since I’ve felt sadness over his loss. Simply because I’ve been consumed with life and trying to keep afloat in my own waters. So I’ve suppressed my emotions, my thoughts and my memories because during certain times of life, I don’t want the added sadness. And then I’m standing in the pit watching the music artist who put my feelings into words and helped me through my first year of grief and I find myself crying, mad at myself that I haven’t thought of you lately because selfishly, I couldn’t bare that on my plate too. I found myself doing exactly what I tell everyone else not to do. “Don’t suppress your feelings, don’t let their name and memories die with them and don’t ever feel like they aren’t right here with you through this stage of life too.” Because he is. He’s been with me for every single event, big and small, happy and sad, mundane or life changing. He’s remained constant in my heart, reminding me to tackle the journey head on, with a smile on my face because we are in the middle of painting a bigger picture. Some days, we paint over something we previously did, some days we love what we added and are inspired to add more, some days we don’t want to pick up the brush. And that’s okay, because we know in the end, we are working on a beautiful masterpiece. One filled of color, vibrancy, darkness, contrast, but most importantly, a masterpiece that is made of love. I’m reminded again that sadness is okay. Tears are okay, thinking of him and being angry he’s not physically here, having jealousy of those who don’t understand... all of it is okay. Today I realized “I’m homesick for someone I’m still learning to miss” and I’ll probably be homesick until I’m at the same gates he crossed two and half years ago. And that’s okay 💛 in the meantime, we’ll keep painting our bigger picture and keeping his name alive.