i was looking for an old video on my phone and stumbled upon this: a video of my father in the 2010s helping me find some approachable chords to the first song i wrote many moons ago with my songwriting mentors @andrearemanda + @deron.johnson. i’ve never released it. it’s called “i’d do it all again”. a large part of my musical narrative is that my father didn’t mentor me nor did he ever play piano with me. but as we both grew older he made attempts to change that. this looks like a simple moment but it was so so sooooo major. to see him playing my song here gave me warm fuzzies! my so-called lack of mentoring from him shaped me in a valuable way. my raw, untrained approach as a player of sounds coded my voice with the tones of this experience. i love how the pain and the yearning and eventual acceptance in those codes heal and help me and others feel our way into and out of certain blocks and depths. it’s pretty sacred and i give thanks for the role that he played. part of me is this emoji face 😨 as i wonder how long i will grieve my father aloud and if i will alienate you with these posts. at the same time, isn’t one of the points of being alive to allow ourselves into fully BEING ourselves in every given moment? well, here i am in this moment, getting freer from how that looks 🌹.