#ThotNaysh, 🎶‘tis the season to be horny, buzz-buzz-buzz-buzz-buzz, buzz-buzz-buzz-buzz🎶. Btdubs, the buzzes are the sound of our vibrators set to “excavate a Pterodactyl femur out of the ground at Jurassic Park.” “Sparks flying off our peens and vajeens like the tires on a Ford Mustang ‘Tokyo Drifting’ across a six lane highway.” “Keep going ‘til we tap out like we’re a wrestler at Royal Rumble.” What I’m getting at is today’s #ThirstyThursday is a timeless legend who oozes self-assured cool and deserves a place on Mount Fap-more alongside Denzel, Marlon Brando, Idris Elba, & JFK Jr. Running Errands in Hoochie Daddy shorts. I’m, of course, waxing hoetic about actor, musician, and philanthropist @KevinBacon. ⠀ He’s so fine that even veegs & vegetares want a nib-nib of Kevin Norwood Bacon 🥓. Is it heart healthy? Bitch, it’s LIFE HEALTHY. I bet one bone sesh with K Bakes, will give you clear skin - #WheresMyFentyBeautyCampaign - and a 790 rating on Credit Karma. #TalkAboutAHardInquiry. Seriously, check the stats: he’s 5’10”, so he can grab my secret stash of Lorna Dione cookies off the top shelf in the kitchen cabinet, his blue eyes and sexy low voice makes anyone go Splash Mountain in their jeans, and his 🍑 and 🍆 are USDA approved as the only two food groups you need for balanced diet. #DontListenToMe #ImNotANutrionist. But, it’s not just his looks! ⠀ His résumé is 🤌🏽: “Footloose,” “Wild Things,” “JFK,” “Diner,” “City On a Hill,” “Apollo 13,” and the list goes on and on. He’s booked, busy, and blessed us with to iconic performance after iconic performance. He’s a down to Earth man of substance. Knows how to poke fun at himself. He can dance and sings as part of the band The Bacon Brothers. Plus! He launched SixDegrees.org, a social networking service that links ppl and charities to each other. And most importantly, he’s a devoted husband to actress-director Kyra Sedgwick and father to his kids. I stan a man who’s all about family. ⠀ So congrats, Kevin, for giving us six DICKgrees of sexiness for decades, moving our hearts with your acting, and making the world a better place. You will always be a bae-con to me. Welcome to the #ThirstyThursday Hall of Fame.