“Pain is a warning” (35mm) The other day I saw an artist title a work “Pain is a warning that we may not destroy ourselves.” Something as darting as sorrow and fiercer than regret cut straight through my chest as I thought over the past few months. Everyday since my brother’s death had been a baptism of anguish and grief, a sea swallowing the innermost parts of me and discarding me on its shores by night. Time drug on painstakingly but I began to notice gradual changes inside. I realized pain wipes the mirror clean, leaving no room to hide in its aftermath. Pain serves as the ultimate mirror to the soul, when the water settles our reflection comes perfectly into view. I’d have given up every ounce of success to bring my brother back, instead I was left with a cleansing flame burning it’s way through me. One by one I began to notice parts of my life that were even slightly out of balance, priorities that were off, convictions I was compromising on, and people that didn’t belong. The grief had left me crippled, unable to move or make decisions, afraid everything was falling apart, when I began to be accountable I noticed a shift occur. I began to cut out the cancer piece by piece starting with myself and my habits and places I had let myself slip. I reinstated my convictions, I found ways I was compromising and I stood firm again, I spoke my truth and didn’t think twice about what it would cost me. I started realizing my brother had maybe saved me from myself. The more I corrected, the more I felt the air enter my lungs again, I wondered when I had got so unconsciously fearful or put my trust in things that held no real security. I thought back to the year prior, my brother sitting next to me burning a backwood slow and telling me it didn’t matter what the odds were that I was going to win. We didn’t have anything but faith then and that was all we needed. Now here I was again, my soul stripped bare, starting over with just the raw materials of an artist. I felt myself again, centered, unshakeable, accountable and spiritually aligned. Pain is a warning that we may not destroy ourselves, pain is a teacher and pain is often times a savior.