So I turn 19 in two months. Which is, first of all, insane And second, the first birthday that I’ve ever been excited for. Which is funny because I’ll likely be in a hospital bed. But for good reason. Well, to me, at least. But I feel guilty for it, in a way. Because this birthday gift, if you will, Is the only thing I’ve asked for since I was fourteen. But I’ve never talked about it online. Because it goes against everything I’ve ever fought for. And yet, here I am, about to make the biggest change Arguably, of my entire life. But I made this decision five years ago when my mom told me that I didn’t look right. And next thing I knew I was getting facial scans. From then on, the camera became my enemy. And I have shed more tears than I will ever be able to be able to explain from the sight of my face in a picture. So I’m getting a surgery. And I’m going to try not to cry when I say this, But in a few months, I might finally love what I see in the mirror. And I so badly wish that the inner work and learning to love myself internally did all the work for me. But I want nothing more than for my mental growth to reflect my physical. But in the meantime, for the next two months, I’m going to try pushing through my insecurity, And share my life. Share the pictures I’d normally put in my Recently Deleted. And the two months following, I’ll be drinking liquids. All day every day. And the two months after that? I’ll put my face on camera–of me actually talking for once. Maybe even make a YouTube channel. Because I’m tired of hiding. So welcome to the beginning of Year 19. The year I won’t be hating myself anymore :)