Happy Mother’s Day to all the mamas praying to be mamas; for the first, second, third, or tenth time. May this be the year that God blesses you with the arrival of the soul your heart yearns to meet. PCOS. I remember googling it at the age of 12, on the phone with my best friend, reading the symptoms and infertility stories. I didn’t understand much other than the fear I felt in my heart. The fear that I’d never be a mother, the one thing I wanted more than anything in this life. I went to every OBGYN appointment as a victim of that fear. Taking every medication they gave me with no questions asked. I’d do anything to have my babies. Anything... except believe in my body, I guess. That belief came later. When I finally awakened to the truth that my body can heal, and that nature, when partnered with intention—has the power to restore. I did Ayurvedic treatments. I sat with ayahuasca. I changed how I lived, what I ate, how I prayed. And I began to trust that if it’s meant for me, it will be. But even then, even when I got pregnant the second time, I couldn’t shake the fear. Every appointment felt like doomsday. Every time I peed, I’d pray before I looked down, bracing myself for blood. The thing about fear is, it doesn’t just go away. It’s part of us. It’s the mind trying to protect us from heartbreak. But what I’ve learned is that the antidote isn’t to silence the fear. It’s to root deeper into a knowing: That whatever happens... it’s guiding us toward our highest good. Even if it’s not in the form we prayed for. Even if it takes longer than we hoped. So if you’re in the waiting, in the aching, in the holding-on-by-a-thread— I see you. I honor you. And I’m sending love to your future child, who already knows how deeply they are wanted. And who just might be closer than you think. I pray 💕 and I hold the same prayer for myself 🥹