this year’s christmas felt nostalgic, but not in the way you would think. sure, i adorned the tree with tinsel, added silk + velvet bows to every corner + garland. sure, i watched christmas movies that had happy endings + short animated films from the 40s. but something felt different this year. christmas has always been this odd happy but sad kind of time for me. each year i try really hard to push through to make it more happy, more like what everyone else’s christmas seems to look like. there’s a laundry list of heaviness to christmas i wish didn’t exist, but just does. each year i make light of it, but deep down it makes me angry. and truthfully? anger is the hardest emotion for me to process. when i say: “stop having babies around christmas” jokingly i really mean: “the financial burden of having over 6/7 close family + friends with birthdays around christmas is stressful” when i say: “i’m not giving anyone a christmas list” what i really mean: “i’m not setting any expectations as to not be let down like that one christmas when i was 15 and intentionally received nothing” when i say: “idc where we go or what we do” when it comes to making plans, i really mean: “i care way too much, but i’m overwhelmed with how many options + things i could ‘miss out’ on including celebrations, death birthdays like my dad’s birthday or my dog athena’s. not to mention the pressure to perform on social media through vlogmas or gift guides. my battery gets drained so easily during this season.” 2025 was nostalgic because i’ve relived feelings + moments that just don’t seem to get easier as the christmases go by. and sure, i’m okay. i always know this passes. this year, rather than deal with it alone, i wanted to share these nuances in case you feel this way too around the holidays. sending hugs 🤍