There’s this fear that follows me in life. It started around 5 years ago. I had a miscarriage, and then another and then I lost our full-term son, 3 days after birth. They called it grief for so long. It is that, apart of grief but when grief grows further and farther apart there is something that grows closer and nearer, sitting buried within your heart. You don’t talk about it because you identify the feeling as grieving and apart of the process. What it really is, is fear. You have a new way of living after you’ve been swallowed with grief. It’s fear that stalks apart of your everyday life. You see the small things as so much bigger. You see the portal between earth and heaven and all the opportunities it has to open that portal in front of you again. It’s no longer something that happens ‘one day’ but something you see staring back at you every where you glance. It crosses your mind a thousand times a day — it can come in small bursts that lead you to frantic calls, or panic reactions in a situation that would be so small to someone else (like your child not holding your hand as they cross the road, or falling over and bumping themselves, having a sleep longer than usual, or even going down the slide unassisted ) see they are little things to someone else but to me they are the big things. It all sits and builds just on you, just within. Fear creates a story to protect you from the harsh reality of all the different outcomes that are now so very real to you. Be patient, be kind and be reassuring with a parent who might be a little fearful of the little things because you don’t know what might’ve lead them here. Fear may follow but eventually I’ll be strong enough to close the door that I leave a little kinked open to remind me that life isn’t always a fairytale. ❤️ #taintedlove #feelings