I had big plans this summer. I was going to take some vacations, catch up on schoolwork that I’d been avoiding, spend a ton of time with my friends, go to Riis a lot. However, at the beginning of the summer, my doctor and I tried to adjust my testosterone dosage, and it exposed the fact that my psychiatric meds were not working the way that they should’ve been and the fact that I am way more burnt out than I knew that I was, sending me into a full blown mental health crisis that lasted the whole summer. Instead of getting to do anything this summer that I wanted to do, I spend most of it going between NYC & my parents house. Even my vacations were a reaction to the mental health crisis, not a fun getaway for me to enjoy myself like I wanted them to be. I am sharing this for a few reasons! One, I think it’s always important to remind people that social media is not always the most accurate portrayal of how people are doing. I also just think it’s super important for me to be honest about the fact that no matter how “functional” or “successful” I seem to be or people assume that I am, I am usually dealing with severe mental illness symptoms behind the scenes, and I think it’s important to be honest about that in order to normalize it and destigmatize it. The combination of autistic burnout (something that was kicked into high gear by my sobriety removing the main thing that I was using to mask), grad school burnout, pandemic burnout, and general life burnout has made these past two years the hardest mental health years of my whole life. I am not at all exaggerating when I say that the *only* reason I have survived the past two years and will live to turn 28 on the 22nd is because of the absolutely incredible support system that I have built for myself, something that I am endlessly lucky to have and do not at all take for granted. In a lot of ways, as my work & PhD semesters start, I am deeply grieving the summer that I wanted for myself. But despite all of this, I ended my summer with the absolute most perfect day at Riis, something that I am going to celebrate, because if I’ve learned anything this summer, it’s to celebrate all wins, no matter the size