CW: intergenerational trauma, enslavement & slave trade I’m still unpacking this experience. I’d never thought much about rope bottoming which is of course precisely why I need to do it more. I’ve been interested in rigging since forever, maybe always- I was mesmerized by pictures of shibari when I was a kid. Now I feel like my inner control freak needs kink in order to keep her shit together. However, it’s a whole other ball game being tied by a white person in a predominantly white public space. I thought about it ahead of time, and it was absolutely part of me & @abieverywhere’s conversation going into this @sanfranciscopride demo. And during the event itself I was blissed out in sub space, riding the waves & loving life. But watching the playback is a head trip, man. All I can see is Sarah Baartman & my ancestors on the auction block. How this is NOT their wildest dream. My shame and fear made me reluctant to even share this footage. And yet....should the freedom I experience through submission be denied? This feels like the reason to do anything spiritually challenging- to see and feel it all the way through. And what a lesson to learn the day before I turned 35. What an incredible gift for an inexperienced Dominant and rigger, to submit in public in a way that challenges my deepest fears and sensitivities. Learning to stand on your own two feet means being strong enough to not need your girlfriend to speak on your behalf. Strong enough to live on the other side of the country from your Beloved. Strong enough to fire people. Strong enough to hire people. I’m learning about being strong, and it’s happening by breaking me down. I’m still learning. It is hard. But it’s also mostly fun. More than anything it’s a great way to pass time on this planet and learn something new. I learn something new every day and it’s because my heart is open and the tears flow and I smile, especially when things are shitty. I’m a beginner if there ever was one. But everyone’s a beginner at something. To be captured by you is a gift, @ashedngrphoenix. All photos but the first are by @tenderfiremedia. The first was taken by one of my idols, @miss_true_blue.