This isn’t the RULE. This isn’t an always type of thing. Sometimes we communicate and experience disconnection. Sometimes we don’t communicate at all and can have hot sex. Sometimes when we experience emotional closeness and intimacy desire and arousal goes out the window. Sex and love is full of paradox. It’s rarely straight forward. However....⁣ ⁣ When we share our happiness, joy, intellectual interests, random thoughts or feelings about an experience we had in childhood. When we give affirmations, notice positive attributes, and explicitly make our partner aware of how we feel drawn to them - it’s hot.