❕TW: ED❕ These photos reminded me of ones taken in the same spot 5 years ago. It’s strange how our perception of ourselves and the world around us can shift so drastically over such little time. I had struggled with eating disorders that began as a result of feeling out of control during chemotherapy. Even after treatment, I was severely underweight yet told by my peers that they wished they looked like me. Realistically, I knew I wasn’t a healthy weight after what I had gone through, but these outside perspectives made me think that being underweight was normal. I was torn: I wanted to remain thin and “beautiful” but also gain weight and take care of myself. I thought I had to be a certain weight to be pretty, but couldn’t figure out what weight that was. Dealing with different forms of ED’s, my weight fluctuated often and served as a reminder of what I was doing to my body. Ashamed of my appearance, I edited every photo of myself beyond recognition- even the ones I would never post, because I didn’t want to look at myself. I deleted the photos I didn’t feel pretty in, even ones that captured memories of me with the people I love. I left myself with false images in which I deemed my appearance “good enough”- the ones with my stomach shrunk, my cellulite blurred, my scars erased. What should have been beautiful memories captured to reminisce on later in my life and share with my children are now just reminders of this pain- this failure to love myself, to appreciate my body for being the vessel through which I get to experience the joys of existence. The last photos shown are the ones from 5 years ago, untouched vs edited. Seeing the stark contrast side my side shows me how warped my mind had been. I couldn’t even tell what my own body looked like or how drastically I had altered it, yet I still decided it wasn’t good enough. (cont. in comments) . #bodyimageissues #bodyimagehealing #bodyimagemovement #bodydysmorphia #eatingdisorderrecovery #eatingdisorderawareness #cancersurvivor #antifacetune #bodydysmorphiaawareness #tcelllymphoma #selfloveclub #selfesteem #innerlove #nofacetune #beautystandards #lowselfesteem #womanpower